It is important to be vulnerable and to be honest, and to share our stories with one another. However there is wisdom in sharing parts of your soul with only a select few people, who are trustworthy and who see the potential of who you are, in the present and the future. ~val
“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” – Brene Brown
I’ve been thinking about getting a sleeve or half sleeve tattoo for several years. I’ve picked out a couple of pieces of art that I really love, and researched tattoo artists and their artwork. I’ve emailed the artists about working over scars, and have found a handful that are gung-ho about the idea. And all I have to do is setup a few consults, talk to them, see what their ideas and thoughts are as how to best work over my scars, and then I’ll be good to go to get it started.
But I have found myself extremely hesitant to setup consults. I’m a rather introspective individual, always have been, plus I am a psychology grad so all about the analyzing of behavior. ;) Including my own.
And so as I’m thinking this through, I’m making a list in my mind. Is it because it’ll be quite an expensive piece of work that I’m dragging my feet? Is the financial aspect? Is it the design aspect? I usually think tattoo designs and/or scripting for months, if not years, before I get them done. Is it that I haven’t found an artist whose work I absolutely am in love with? Is it the time that it will take? As it will be quite a piece of work that would have to be completed over a few months time.
But what niggles in the back of my mind is that possibly I’m hesitant to “cover” my scars. It’s odd really when you stop to think of it. Scars, let’s be honest, cause a lot of stares, sometimes rude comments, other times lots of questions. They aren’t considered beauty marks, and self-harm (to the average individual) is the mark of a “mental” person.
I use to wish them away, I didn’t look at my arms in the mirror, I didn’t run my hands over my scars, I always wore long sleeves. And then one day, I decided life is too short. It isn’t who I am, or even who I was. It was something I did, and I had moved on from that. I was okay in my own skin, scars and all.
I wear short sleeves now, dresses that go above my knees. I go swimming. I ignore the glances and the stares; and when the questions are asked I answer them (depending on the individual who asks, sometimes less information is given then more). I have also found my scars to be distracting for some people who self harm, they want to see them with some sort of fascination. Other people will share their stories with me or reach out for help because they see my scars, and they know of some sort what I have been through; and there is safety in this for them.
But I wonder, why am I really hesitating on this. I’ve thought about getting this tattoo on and off, for literally close to 10 years. My hubby is cool with me covering my arm with art, and he is actually wanting to get a sleeve tattoo of his own; which is totally awesome cause I love tattoos!!!
But back to my original line of questioning, why am I hesitant to cover my scars? I really don’t know. I haven’t been able to pinpoint that one.
But that’s okay.
I’m going to start setting up consults with the artists.
It’s been on my bucket list for a while.
Time to get that one crossed off. :)